All right gentlemen, here is another lesson from The bikerMetric School for the Babeologically Challenged:
Dudes. Seriously. Chicks that dig astrology are 90% guaranteed to have a tramp stamp. You know what that means. If you don’t, PayPal $9.99 to trent @ bikermetric . com (no spaces) that I might enlighten you about the magical properties of tramp stamps. It will be ten bucks well spent, losers, I mean….
The bidding on this magic helmet (spear extra) is set to expire on Wednesday, October 20, 2010 at 8:00PM Eastern Standard Time. I prefer the less ubiquitous Eastern Non-normative Time, as I do what I please, but that is another episode of Who the F*** Cares, airing every Tuesday at 8PM on CBS.
Homework: Buy magic astro-helmet and ride to strip club. Go to table and sit, placing helmet on table. Wait five minutes. Write 1000-word essay about your experiences that evening.
I tell you no lies! Strippers have tramp stamps and many love astrology! You know what happened when I typed in “astrology strippers” into Google image search? The first image was this:
Amber loves costume events.
She’s “21.”
Her specialties are cucumbers and flexibility.
Plus, she’s from New Jersey!
(insert Austin Powers “Yeah baby!” .wav file here)
I don’t know what is sitting on her lap. A purse? Maybe. Probably to hide a scar or stretch marks. 21 my ***. Try 31 with a history of domestic abuse and a rape.
Regardless, the “cucumbers and flexibility” thing interests me greatly. I want to bounce quarters off her **** into a frosty mug of beer. If I miss, she drinks. If I make it, she drinks. That’s a good deal!
Make sure you don’t turn off the moderate filtering if you decide to Google “astrology strippers”. Yeech. Or maybe you should…
I believe I once dreamt government agents dressed in black with black helmets and black guns stormed into my room and arrested me after I posted this. It must be important.
Yeah, whatever. Back to the magic black and gold flake astrology helmet…
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